I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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