i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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