i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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