Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
