He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You had me at "let me see your balls"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
