can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
