I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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