You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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