Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.