Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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(619): View more from California

I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case

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(707): View more from California

left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen

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(712): View more from Iowa

I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(843): View more from South Carolina

I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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(810): View more from Michigan

According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

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(716): View more from New York

She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman

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(734): View more from Michigan

Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..

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