But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.