He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.