i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize