hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!