Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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