why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
