??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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