the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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