Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You smell like stripper and shame
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
