I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
40s are totally the cure
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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