i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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