Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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