Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
