garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
