He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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