Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
