i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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