i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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