So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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