24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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