So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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