I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
