Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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