brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
