I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
