I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
