If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
