so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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