He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
