I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
