Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
