So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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