Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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