as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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