He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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