I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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