Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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