Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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