I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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