you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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