Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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