I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
