this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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