You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
