Apparently you make a good broom.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
