That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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