You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
