so that wasnt chicken after all
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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