Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
