he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
