Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
