ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
