he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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