she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
