Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
