i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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