i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
