i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
