i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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